On getting comfortable.

He was squirming last night before bed:
Dana: I can't get comfortable.
Jeanine: Maybe if you stopped moving around you'd get comfortable.
Dana: Maybe if you stopped complaining I'd get comfortable.

On acne.

The other night I pointed out the big, huge zit on my cheek:
Dana: I love it. I want to name it and make love to it. I want to have its children. I will name her ... Louise. Weezy for short.

On Patooting.

After he smacked my ass:
Dana: I hit your Patootie. Patootie! Patoot! Patoot!
Jeanine: That's very funny. Now stop with the patooting.
Dana: You'll never patoot in this town again.

On Internet Porn.

While looking at internet porn:
Jeanine: Look at her boobs! They're massive!!
Dana: And they look about as delicate as turtle shells.

On Making Dinner.

Jeanine: What do you want for dinner tonight?
Dana: Chicken and pasta!
Jeanine: Why don't you make it for a change?
Dana: Ham and cheese sandwiches!

On Cooking.

Jeanine: how do you cook a poached egg?
Dana: you put it in water.
Jeanine: how do you know when it's done?
Dana: a little timer goes off.

On Being Demanding.

Dana: I want to drive by Slacker's.
Jeanine [who was driving]: What do you say?
Dana: Now, woman!